The Wall

For about the past two and a half years I have been blessed with my job, the struggles that come and go with it, the home that comes with it and the task of keeping the family "together" in the process. I've been able to, with some measure of success, been able to find my groove. Home school with the boys has been difficult to get comfortable with, though the idea has been exciting the direction has been hard to find. That's been resolved and now we begin a new curriculum that I think will benefit all who reside in our home. Work has had its challenges though it's been an incredible blessing. There is something new nearly every day that I thank my LORD for. He is so faithful to guide me through it's challenges and I praise his name for the triumphs. But this was not always so. Our time here in Portland has been a long road with unforseeable forks in our path and I have not always seen God's leading in it. So my relationship with him has been tomultuous at best. One thing that I've had to learn to do is to quiet my mind without a quiet place to be. Our bedroom consisted of three walls and a curtain on the other side of which was our living room. When someone entered our home they entered my bedroom and in some small way I felt invaded upon though my heart has been in welcoming people and their intention I believe has not been on invasion of my space. It has been something I have prayed about, saying, "Lord please, I just need some privacy." But until now I believe I had a lesson to learn. And though I can't quite put it into the right words I think it has something to do with finding God no matter where I am and like I said; quieting my mind without a quiet place to be.

Along this part of my journey I've been blessed with a book series by Francine Rivers that has opened my eyes to the touchable God that has made my heart his dwelling place. I don't remember a time when I have been so open to His leading, hungry for His words, and humble before him as my King.

And now, it seems in completion of this lesson, I have a private place. I now have a bedroom with four walls, a door, and a knob that locks. I have a quiet place where I can be still and be alone or with Logan... or with God. And I am grateful. I tell Him silently whenever I go into my room and close the door, or when I look at the new wall contemplating the pictures that could go there. I am grateful. I am so very grateful.

So forgive me if I am tearful as I proclaim the excitement in my heart at a few pieces of wood, some dry wall and paint. It serves as a physical reminder of something I longed for and found before it was built.