Lydia's Sisters

I am contributing to a new blog designed to be an online bible study tool for women. It's called "Lydia's Sisters". 

Check it out. 

A moment with Fiona...

"What cha doin'?" Fiona asked me this morning.

"I'm cleaning up," I reply.

"No, what cha doin' in a pinsess 'ess?" she asks pointing to our wedding photo with her cute little lithp.

I pick her up to get a closer look.

"Oh!.. A pitty pinsess 'ess!" she says, "What's this?"

"That is the day Mr. Logan and I got married. We belong to each other."

"Who is that?" she asks pointing to a two year old Kaytlyn, now 10.

"That is 'Tata', Kevin and Nolan's cousin. And that is Caden, our friend."

"Tata... Caden... that's your Logan."

"That's my Logan."

"Pitty dess."

"Thank you."

"'eckom"

Thank you, my sweet Fiona, for sharing a moment in memories with me. I was a princess that day... and still feel like a princess. My prince... my Logan... is the love of my life... my knight. 

Lord, bless our little girls as they grow... that they may become women of faith and faithfulness... that their knights may be servants of the one true King... that they would find bliss in belonging to each other... and you.

Cascade

I have debated about writing about the recent news from Cascade. Blogs and comment boards everywhere in our community are saturated with reactions to the news. It is true, some people are not bitter, but so many are and it makes me sad.

I hear words of anger, disbelief, mistrust and misunderstanding. I want to say, "But if you only knew..." and explain how hard it was to watch men who could barely speak through their tears when they told staff and faculty, to see the broken hearts and hear the explanation of how the pain-staking decision was made. I want to tell people that this terminal diagnosis has been delayed because remarkable and loving people have been performing financial CPR on a situation that began to give out years ago... that telling churches in the area about the difficulty would not really have helped... not in the long run. 

I feel hurt when I hear people say how angry they are... as if anyone had any other possible choice to make... I want to say that it would be like dumping money into trying to fix a car except the only parts you can find are the wrong parts. But you are determined to keep it running because it used to be your best friend's car and so you spend money... on the wrong parts. - It feels like they are angry at people like me, who have accepted this end, even though it is so sad. I am made to feel like some sort of traitor because I don't intend to jump on the "Save-Our-School" band wagon. - That is hurtful. And so I walk away... because I don't think they would hear me anyway.

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, 

along with every form of malice."

Ephesians 4:31

I feel ashamed when I hear brothers and sisters in Christ using defeatist and hateful words . How in the world can we pretend to know what it was like in that board room, sitting among a group of people who wanted to see Cascade survive... knowing that there was only one choice to make... but no one wanted to make it? How can you assume the people who made those decisions are cold and pious people? 

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs that it may benefit those who listen."

Ephesians 4:29 (NIV) 

That Cascade is closing its doors is sad, this is certain. The ripple effect will be far reaching. Things will not be the same. - But to say that God's kingdom will be considerably and negatively affected by it is both faulty thinking and shameful. The Lord will not see His people lost in this. 

"Remember your leaders who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith. 

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."

Hebrews 13: 7&8

"Everyone grieves differently," my friend says. She is right. And people are grieving. I understand this. 

And so I make one request, to those who are grieving, who are peaceful, who are angry, who are hurt, who are searching for answers or making decisions about jobs and schools...

Please, please do not forget what we are and who we stand for.

Back on track

There isn't a limp in my walk any more. In fact I remember the day I noticed that I wasn't limping, walking confidently and  without pain. It was a pretty emotional realization and I shared it with Suzy and Logan, tears and all. That was at the beginning of the summer... in late June. I had been working out 5 days a week for about 8 weeks or so. 

Now more than 30 weeks into my work outs, even with some off weeks and screwy weeks I still do not limp. This is the goal that I began working out for. I was angry with the doctors for not being able to even name the pain I had been suffering with since Kevin was born, and decided to take it into my own hands. This is something I have realized I should have done several years before, but just wasn't in that place of personal honesty - to tell myself I could actually do something about how I was feeling and that I didn't need to rely on doctors to fix it. 

There was no magic pill. And there still isn't.

So my hip is doing 100% better. With regular exercise and good stretching I have hip-pain-free days. So what's the problem here? More than 30 weeks in and I am gaining weight?! I spent the last couple of days feeling sorry for myself about this and pondering how I've gotten so far off track. But now I'm just plain irritated. I think a medicine that I am taking to ward off Fibromyalgia pain is contributing to the weight gain, but I'm also rather sure that lack of consistent calorie counting and exercise is also contributing to it. So, once again, I take my life in my own hands (and sharing life-changing-motivation with Kristi) I will do something about it.

The God-factor in this should not be ignored. About 12 weeks in on this adventure I was doing great, I was super committed and strengthened each day with the belief that God was all wrapped up in my success. Well, I still believe God is all wrapped up in this. I am the one that has lost focus. And so once again I lift my head up and see that He is there, waiting for me to follow him on this path again. 

I love you Lord; you are my strength. 

The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my savior;

my God is my rock, in whom I find protection.

He is my shield, the strength of my salvation, and my strong hold.

part of Psalm 18

An Old Friend

I scampered up the little metal steps excitedly and there she was, washing dishes. The sound of the water pump whirring and the clank of the metal sink with the utensils was comfortingly familiar. Directly to my right, the carpeted steps up to the bed. In front of me, the cream and brown striped couch-bed. To my left, the kitchen fit for one person with a table and two cushiony bench seats set for four. Out of the miniature refrigerator/freezer came the ice cream, chocolate sauce and freshly ground walnuts. The perfect treat for "a break". The whole place smelled like their home on Orchard Avenue in Grand Junction. They had brought their home to us, for a visit and most excitedly, a sleep over. 

After our break I knitted with her and followed him around. There were wash cloths to make or sweaters to finish and leveling to do, anchoring to put into place or a truck to turn around... and around... and around. And after all of that and dinner we would fold down the couch-bed and get ready for the sleep over... of course, after we watched "Dallas".

Then my old friend would appear, soft and snugly, smelling of fabric softener mixed with their home. Memories and feelings would flood my mind and my heart and I would feel that peaceful contentedness. Being with family, being warm, being comfortable.

That was so long ago... 

I remember sleep overs as young as 5 years old... and my friend was there with me every time. So when they were no more and new places were found for the things from their home, I took my friend to live with me and until yesterday it was with me in my home... through moves, new life, life lost, life lived and remembered I have had my friend by my side. A comfort really, nothing extravagant or extraordinary... just comfort. 

But my old friend is worn and weary. I have loved all of the comfort out of it and it is beginning to come apart. So I have washed it and folded it and tucked it away in a place of rest and protection so that it doesn't fade away completely. - I have been surprisingly emotional about putting my old friend away. It has wrapped my shoulders in warmth and security in many different things in life, provided comfort in it's silky folds and even comfort to ill babies... because it smelled of fabric softener and home. 

I'm sure I will take it out from time to time... to remember life lived, loved and lost... to think about Grandmother and Grandpa, the home they brought to us, and the memories we shared... remembering and missing... and loving. In silky peace and comfort and warmth.

"...and they will see me there."

Matthew 28 

 1 Early on Sunday morning, as the new day was dawning, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went out to visit the tomb.

 2 Suddenly there was a great earthquake! For an angel of the Lord came down from heaven, rolled aside the stone, and sat on it. 3 His face shone like lightning, and his clothing was as white as snow. 4 The guards shook with fear when they saw him, and they fell into a dead faint.

 5 Then the angel spoke to the women. “Don’t be afraid!” he said. “I know you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. 6 He isn’t here! He is risen from the dead, just as he said would happen. Come, see where his body was lying. 7 And now, go quickly and tell his disciples that he has risen from the dead, and he is going ahead of you to Galilee. You will see him there. Remember what I have told you.”

 8 The women ran quickly from the tomb. They were very frightened but also filled with great joy, and they rushed to give the disciples the angel’s message. 9 And as they went, Jesus met them and greeted them. And they ran to him, grasped his feet, and worshiped him. 10 Then Jesus said to them, “Don’t be afraid! Go tell my brothers to leave for Galilee, and they will see me there.”

Can you imagine being Mary Magdalene or Mary? What an experience, to be the first people who Jesus spoke to after His resurrection! I think I would fall down at His feet too. My heart races as I imagine being there, in the presence of the risen LORD! And what an important message they carried. They went to tell the apostles where Jesus would meet them. It's probably a good thing that the angel and Jesus both told them where to meet because I tend to think in the middle of all of that I might not remember the meeting place, having witnessed Christ moving about as if nothing had happened to him and all...

Jesus said, "... Go tell my brothers to leave for Galilee, and they will see me there." They were discouraged, grieving people but Jesus was going to be able to show them this time that prophesy had been fulfilled (and hopefully they would finally get it). Everything that he had taught about had come to fruition and that meant that the apostles' mission was just beginning.

Brent spoke at church today about this part of Jesus' story. I'm glad he did. I found meaning in what he said. My walk-away-thought from his lesson today is that we are not done yet. There are a few things that are changing at PUMP, and change can be uncomfortable in many ways. But Brent reminded us today that our mission and our purpose remain the same. In fact, our work is just beginning. ~ I can think of several people who I hope found encouragement in that today as I did. 

Thanks, Brent! 

What a game!

I don't watch or understand most of the things that happen in a football game. I like to spend time with the people I know who like it so I ask questions about why things happen and about the rules, but left to my own devices I would not necessarily choose to watch football. Personally football ranks right under golf for the most boring sports to watch (sorry football fans). Maybe that's why it's so easy for me to nap on the couch while it's on. But the game that just ended between Chicago and Atlanta was pretty amazing. Chicago came back and made a touch down with 11 seconds left in the fourth quarter leaving the game at Chicago 20 / Atlanta 19. Just when you think the game is over, with 11 seconds Atlanta both made a long play that landed them halfway to the goal posts AND with 1 second left made a 48 yard kicking attempt and made it! 

That was pretty darn amazing whether you like football or not. 

Obedience School

I was invited to contribute to a new blog. Check it out.

Say It's So!

I heard on the radio yesterday that Jonny Depp just signed to do a fourth "Pirates". Please say it is true!!

Dwelling in the Word

This morning while reading the scripture PUMP is dwelling in Kevin came up to me and asked what was wrong. I was probably frowning, something that happens when I concentrate, though I was not in a frowny mood. I showed him that I was reading the Bible and he asked why I wasn't saying anything. So I read the scripture to him. 2 Corinthians 4. All of it. And he sat and listened intently. 

Afterwards he asked why God gives us death when He gives us life. I interpreted that to mean that he was asking about verse 10 that says, "We always carry around in our bodies the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be made visible in our bodies..." So I explained that it means that we always carry in our minds, or remember all the time, that Jesus died for us and that gives us the chance to have the life of Jesus in our mind all the time so that people know that we love him and he loves us. - Kevin understood better at that point. It was neat to watch him make that connection.

It is wonderful to see God working and moving in our family.

In Twitter Fashion

Writing in Twitter fashion. Busy is an understatement. 

Update:

-Made it through August without loosing my mind... mostly.

-Getting back into work outs. Mom suggested counting this as week 20 instead of week 1. Good advice not to ignore work already accomplished.

-Hubby and boys are great, minus the head-wound Kevin got from the corner of the tampon dispenser in the Library bathroom. OUCH buddy!!

-Week 20 Day 1: Water Aerobics w/a chick who has to read notes off of 3x5 cards to direct the class... Thinking about applying to teach the class myself. 

-Spent $100 on new shoes instead of $10.00 to go to the doc + countless $$ for unnecessary P.T. for plantar faceitis. - It's true.

-Celebrating 8 years married to my only love, Tomorrow!

-Excited to see what God has in store for family, friends and PUMP. God is good!

35 minutes to leave time for the evening. Gotta get going. - Love you all!!

From His Lips

When the soldier came to Jesus and begged Him to heal his servant He was amazed by the soldiers confidence in His words. "... You only need to command it, and my servant will be healed." And He healed the man's servant.

When the waves came up on the lake and the followers cried out to the Lord to save them, interrupted by their unfaithfulness, he spoke to the wind and "... it became completely calm." 

Let all that I am praise the Lord.

   O Lord my God, how great you are!

      You are robed with honor and majesty.

    2 You are dressed in a robe of light.

   You stretch out the starry curtain of the heavens;

    3 you lay out the rafters of your home in the rain clouds.

   You make the clouds your chariot;

      you ride upon the wings of the wind.

 4 The winds are your messengers;

      flames of fire are your servants.

May the glory of the Lord continue forever!
      The Lord takes pleasure in all he has made!
 32 The earth trembles at his glance;
      the mountains smoke at his touch.

 33 I will sing to the Lord as long as I live.
      I will praise my God to my last breath!

(parts of Psalm 104)

When Jesus prayed for His followers He called on the power of God's very name to keep them safe and asks, "Make them ready for your service through your truth; your teaching is truth." The words of God hold all power and authority.

The psalmist says that the authority of God is found in the sky, the clouds, the wind, the stars, fire and light. The soldier found the authority in the words of Jesus, literally that He could speak healing. The followers on the boat watched the authority of God when Jesus spoke to the wind and the water became calm. They saw the power of the words of Jesus.

How is Jesus revealing his authority to you?

Is His authority as real to you as it was to the soldier?

Don't give the bible class answer, that we have His authority in the Bible. While that is true, I don't believe that it is the only way God shows Himself to us. ~ One of the greatest mistakes we make is thinking that God is not active in our world because the Bible has a back cover. 

Busy, An Understatement

You could say that life has been busy lately. This is one of the busy parts of the year which is punctuated by a couple of events that I didn't anticipate a month ago and so my attention can only be spent on the things that matter. - Luckily I've been able to find time to tend some of the roses on campus which I thoroughly enjoyed doing with my mom last week when they came to visit. (I love my mom and dad!) - There has been one fun trip to the swimming pool so far with one planned for Friday. - Singing with eP is always a pleasurable experience and I get to do it three evenings next week! - Spending time with my friend Suzy. - A trip to Mount Saint Helens. What a day! - PSP. - My Miss Nona. - And my best friend, Logan. - Sparklers with the boys. - Kung Fu Panda (Hilarious!). - Working out (this is week 14). 

Then there's life: work, packing to move across campus, work, cleaning and work.

For a brief moment I forgot that it is an election year. That was  a truly blissful moment.

Right now, I'm blogging when I should be folding laundry. There are two loads in the dryers, one in the washer, two on my couch and I have to get it done tonight because they tomorrow are taking out the units we have downstairs so they can be replaced. 6am is going to come very soon. My friend Kristi and Logan both posted on the choices people make. I am busy. This is true. So I make the choice to be un-busy at some point in each day, to give my undivided attention to each of my three boys for a while. That is the second most important thing of the day. The first is checkin' in with God; in prayer, in scripture and believe it or not in my work outs. - The rest are details... that keep me busy for the rest of the 18 waking hours a day.

On Turning 30

Sometimes it's hard for me to be comfortable when attention is directed at me for nearly any reason. Okay, so it's hard for me all the time. But this year I turned 30 and that's a big deal and so my family and friends celebrated with me at two different times. There's really no way to describe how much those events meant to me, but to all of those who were there or sent well wishes, THANK YOU!


So what do I say about turning 30?

BRING IT ON!!

This is week 12. I have been on a work out program for 11 weeks so far and this is week 12 for me. When I decided to start working out it was not necessarily for fantastic weight loss results. I have a problem with my right hip and I have Fibromyalgia and I had to do something about it. I didn't have energy to take my kids outside and when we did get outside I was too tired or in too much pain to push the swing or help them on the monkey bars. And the idea of going on a hike or on an outing of some sort was out of the question. That is not what I want my life to be like with my boys. So I prayed, God, I can't do this for the rest of my life. I have to do better, be better. I have to be able to have a good time with my kids. This is the age that I have been looking forward to with them and it is slipping out of my hands!  The doctors aren't helpful, they treat me like a hypochondriac so I'm going to have to do it independent of them, but I need your help. Oh God, I need your help. 

And then my mom gave me the perfect book (of course). It is by a woman who lost 200 pounds on her own. So following her recommendations and being committed in prayer, five days a week, rain or shine, feeling great or feeling crummy I work out for 30 minutes at home on a mini trampoline or I go to water aerobics for an hour. 

Eleven weeks later I can not only push the swing but I can do under-dogs. That would have been out of the question weeks ago. And last week I had a few extra kids for a while so we went to the playground. I pushed the merry go round. Let me say that again: I can do under-dogs and push the merry go round in the same day! - That is why I work out!

I debated whether to post this little testimony. It seems like every time I make my intentions for better health known to others they are thwarted by one thing or another. But I have to because the glory needs to go to God. I know He gives me the "oomph" to get up out of bed in the morning and get going on the trampoline, or to make the decision to take time for myself and go to water aerobics. He strengthens me in the moments when I react poorly to the stresses of life. He blesses me with a supportive family and network of friends. 

There is the added bonus of loosing 6 inches and about 5 pounds, but the greatest result is that I have less pain and more energy. Every day I work out, I feel good that day. I see daily results and I can daily give glory to The LORD for answering my desperate cry for help. My friend recently sent me this scripture and it is not only a wonderful encouragement but a fitting description of my feelings on this journey...

Psalm 121

1 "I look up to the hills, 

       but where does my help come from?

 2 My help comes from the Lord, 

       who made heaven and earth. 

 3 He will not let you be defeated. 

       He who guards you never sleeps. 

 4 He who guards Israel 

       never rests or sleeps.

 5 The Lord guards you. 

       The Lord is the shade that protects you from the sun.

 6 The sun cannot hurt you during the day, 

       and the moon cannot hurt you at night.

 7 The Lord will protect you from all dangers; 

       he will guard your life.

 8 The Lord will guard you as you come and go, 

       both now and forever."

Thank you LORD! 

The Scarlet Thread

If ever there was a woman who knows my heart on the deepest levels it is my mother. I have thought for a long time that my aunt Janie new me better than my mother but I know now that it is my mother who knows me best and my aunt because she shares a grandma rights with my mother and that they are best friends and talk about everything including me. 

My mom has recommended several books to me, all but two I have read, and all of the ones I have read I have been affected by. "The Scarlet Thread" is one of them. Francine Rivers writes the inner dialogue for her characters the way I hear my own inner dialogue (is that T.M.I.?) It is because of this I am inthralled with her books.

I'm not one for book reviews, but I will say that this book has influenced the way I think about my relationship with God and my husband. I find myself extremely grateful for both and desire to show them my gratitude. If you read this blog every once in a while or more then you probably know Logan too. He's not much for mushy stuff so I'll just have to send him out the door with his golf clubs to go hit a bucket-o-balls or not complain when he's watching grass grow- I mean watching golf. 

And if you are a spouse, will be or hope to be a spouse or know someone who is a spouse this is a great book to read. I found myself resisting the real life lessons that can be taken from this book and have spent some time in thought and prayer about them. Maybe I'll share that journey another time. 

I had the time to read while we were on vacation. I don't know how much time I'll have in the coming weeks, but I hope to read "First Light" by Thoene. Another book given to me by my mom. 

Love you MOM!!

Vacation Day 1

All Day/ All Zone MAX tickets: $8.00

Water from vending machine: $1.25

Waiting the better part of an hour to tour a Navy ship: Free

Watching the last 1/4 of the Rose Festival Parade: Free

Three Greasy Hot Dogs: $6.00

Two Balloon creations: $3.00

A day down on the water front with all my boys and without a care in the world: PRICELESS

And then...

"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed but not driven to despair; persecuted but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus my also be made visible in our bodies. For while we live we are always being given up to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus may be made visible in our mortal flesh. "

II Corintians 4:8-11

Just when it seemed that life would be settling a little bit it throws a curve ball that you don't expect and you are left wondering what is next, where God is in it, or how you are supposed to behave in the midst of the change. Take heart, friends, the Lord of creation is still in control and He knows your needs. Petition Him on your knees and watch the mighty power of God move in your life. 

So after a few days of prep we had a yard sale on Friday evening and Saturday. It was pretty successful, and a break from the normal summer time jive that we have around here. It was good to thin out our belongings and make some more space in our little home, but I found myself strangely attached to things I don't logically need any more. When a woman bought our little umbrella stroller for three dollars I watched her strap her two year old daughter into it and walk away and I thought to myself, "She doesn't have any idea how many memories are sitting in that stroller." My mind flooded with trips to the mall, walks to the park, zoo excursions and even ways to transport the children on campus (and keep them contained). I saw our boys, little and barely walking, in it and remembered those times. - So I had a bit of sorrow... just a for a fleeting moment... and wished the woman and little girl well. They needed that stroller (and I don't any more) and they got a good deal on it.

We sold toys and a pack-n-play, books and bed sets all wrapped up with memories. And I realized that I had held on to those things so that I wouldn't forget the memories made with them. So instead of lamenting over things that I don't need I'll work on writing some memories down, of times and experiences, so that I don't feel like I've lost them.

Then on Sunday Logan and I went to the movies... but not together. He went first and then I went when he got home. He had the idea and I was glad of it. I like going to movies by myself with my own popcorn and soda... and a few Hot Tomales. And I love watching the movie without having to think about the person beside me. Logan understands this and so we were both blessed with a little time a lone. We even saw the same movie (Narnia: Prince Caspian) which we then talked about after I got home. :) It was great!

I sacrificed a bit of time to do that though... there are a lot of things I need to get done. I thought the time of the "Don't Panic List" was over, but I will have to get it out again. And perhaps it is time to re-evaluate my time commitments again.

And I have begun strength training on top of my daily work outs. This is week 9. I have not lost any pounds yet but I have lost 3.75 inches. That is enough to boost my ambitions and maybe start counting calories. That's not supposed to be until the next phase of the book I'm reading ("Never Say Diet" by Chantel Hobbs) but we'll see. - The best part about it is that I feel better daily and that is worth every minute and every inch. 

So there's a short update. Next week we are on vacation and I am looking forward to it A LOT! We will be unplugged and unavailable to most people in the world. Before that I have a lot to get done. I think by the time we get to vacation I will be exhausted... the good kind where you feel like you have accomplished much. 

Media vs. Politics vs. Truth

I rarely dip my toe into the pool of politics because I don't feel like I can intelligently contribute to the discussion. - Now I know why. 

Today I read on my FOX News feed this story about NBC selectively editing Richard Engal's interview with President Bush. You can find the FOX Story here, the White House's letter to NBC here and NBC's response here. It took me a while to read them all but this is the first time I have dug into a news story to find out the truth.

Now back to my original statement. It is evident to me that the reason I don't feel intelligent is NOT because the news media is actively participating in selective editing, but because I haven't spent the time and effort on finding the truth within the news community. What does in fact disgust me is the fact that I can't turn on the national news and get the real story, the truth. I personally feel deeply offended by news media in general and don't really know where to turn for the truth on things of this world. Because, really, how do I know that FOX doesn't skew the news to fit their agenda the way NBC, ABC or CBS do? And in a time of political transition it seems extremely important to know the truth of the matters at hand. And seriously, I don't have the time to search out the truth for every aspect of politics or those who seek a seat in determining the future of our country. And so I, and millions of other hard working Americans, rely on the news media for accurate accounts of national and international events, thus providing us a base to make our mark by voting for said hopefuls. This sends all of my opinions flying right out the window and I am left with a ballot unmarked and no confidence in my thoughts about all things political. - And though I can't complain too much since it is truly my responsibility to search for that truth if I really want it, I am deeply dismayed by the displays of selfishness and deceit by the news media.

I spent some time with my parents a couple of weeks ago and was able to have some conversations about politics and religion. The latter I am comfortable with but putting them both together in conversation makes me squirm... a LOT, and even feel a bit of anxiety. Lord, why does it have to be so difficult to understand, and how relevant is my voice in all of it? 

 

And so while I don't think I am getting the truth from humans in the media, in a time when I'm told that my vote and my voice count, and while I don't feel like I can intelligently contribute to a political conversation, I know where to find real peace and truth.

An interesting thought came to mind while I was in conversation with my mom, who said she had never heard it put this way, and so I share it with the few who read this blog: Humans tend to think that God is not active in the world because the Bible has a back cover, and I think that is a big mistake. 

The one truth that I rest in, literally, the thing that stills my heart and allows me to sleep at night, is knowing that God still rules in His Kingdom, and His Kingdom is happening now. And what is important far beyond whether I vote today or not, is whether I am sharing the truth of God's Kingdom and His love and grace with people I know and love. 

Twitter

Hey all you Twitter friends! Am I the only one who can't sign on or is the site down? And how silly is it that I had a momentary feeling of disappointment knowing I couldn't "tweet" the latest happenings at our house!

Welp, on with the rest of the day...

Perhaps I'll get more done since I won't be occupied with Twittering.

I keep trying to get on here and textualize* my thoughts about the last week and a half. (*is that a word?) It is proving to be very difficult. 

There are a lot of things I would love to blog about but the biggest thing that keeps a smile on my face is that my Dad does not have cancer. After a chest x-ray and a CT scan they were pretty sure he had Lymphoma. Then he had the biopsy and even the surgeon was pretty sure he was dealing with cancer. But when the pathology report came back the cancer doctor said he had to look everything over again because he was shocked that it reported the tumor to be completely benign. And here's the thing: that biopsy wasn't just a clipping of a piece of tissue. They took a full tumor out to test so there is not really the possibility that they could have missed something. - My mom called after the appointment to tell me and said that the cancer doc was extremely happy to be able to report that he would not be able to help my dad because he doesn't have cancer. - What a day that was!!

My dad still doesn't feel good. The symptoms that caused him to go to the doctor are still there so they will approach the illness from a different angle. - And you know what, even if things change and for some reason he is diagnosed with Lymphoma or something else after all, I find myself resting in the assurance that God knows what is happening... that even if he ends up dealing with something more severe than an infection we will find hope, peace and strength in the Lord as powerfully as we rejoice in his mercy now. He is faithful in all things.

Praise the Lord!

      For he has heard my cry for mercy.

The Lord is my strength and shield.

      I trust him with all my heart.

   He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy.

      I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.

Psalm 28: 6&7

Spinning...

To all who are weary and those who are heavy laden,

Lay at the feet of the one who loves you best.

Bring all of your trials and all of your tribulation,

Come unto me and I will give you rest.

I will give you rest!

Take my yoke upon you, come and learn from me.

For I am humble in spirit, and so you must also be.

And lo I will be with you in the midst of every test. 

If you run unto me, I will give you rest!

I will give you rest!

Big Daddy Weave - One and Only 

If you have it, listen to it again. If you don't  you should get this Big Daddy Weave CD.

Good music

 

WHEW!

Things have settled down. Students have checked out of the dorms and life isn't as hectic as it has been since about February 20th. I can finally think about things other than my family and my job, though both are of course still a priority. 

All of the things I have felt great guilt about putting off can consume my thoughts and time. They are all things that I love or am committed to, which the latter would require at least a little bit of love, so I am glad to be giving them my attention.

I miss my family. We are going up to my parents' house next weekend. We're going to a T-Ball game of my niece Abby's, having a BBQ and just having a good time. - I love it!!

I miss my other family. But we are going to see them in June so I am glad about that. It's always like going home when we go to Logan's parents' house... just different. In June it should be super sunny during the day with a sky full of stars at night. The kids will play in the yard, we will sit and sip iced tea and talk about things or play games. Love that too!

And I miss my friends. Kristi, Suzy, Kaelea, Traci and others that I haven't been able to spend much time with at all. I will be able to have people over to visit and not feel preoccupied with work business or get knocks on the door from students needing something. And BABY TUCKER!!, whenever that kid decides to make his/her entrance (and I'm leaning towards the "his"), will be a very GREAT day! I can't wait.

I am ready for sunny weather and not this crazy weather we've had going on: sunny one minute and monsoon rain the next, but predictable sunny days. I am ready to get the sprinkler out for Kevin and Nolan and sit in my chair and relax outside. I am ready for some sun!

I have also been on my knees for my family, friends and PUMP. Everyone seems to be going through some sort of tough thing, and I just need to be in prayer for people. So if you are reading this I probably know who you are and you can rest in knowing you are carried to The Throne often. 

You do not have mail

It has happened. Today is the first day since we started at Cascade that I have opened my email and had NO new emails. At first I didn't know what to think of it. It's graduation time, surely somebody needs something or I am forgetting to do something or someone needs to tell me something, but nope. No new messages... so I have time to write a blog... but just a short one. I have to be ready for the day by 8.

The DON'T PANIC! List

Every once in a while I begin to think about the things I MUST get done and wonder how in the world it is going to happen. This is a frequent occurrence for people-pleasers. I happen to be a recovering people-pleaser so it doesn't happen to me as often as it used to. However the nature of my  job requires different levels of productivity depending on the events on campus. For example: in the next week and a half we will be not only checking students out of the dorms but cleaning and preparing dorms for students staying after April 27th, and then preparing for those students to move out and such. You would think that this would be an easy deal. It happens every year, I should be prepared. This is logical. And so I am prepared. It is an easy deal. But the level at which my productivity must rise to is like listening to a tea kettle that is about to boil over. And so I whip out the DON'T PANIC!!! list. This is a list that my sister (God bless her) introduced to me. This list consists of four categories: Important-Urgent, Important-Non-Urgent, Have To Do, and Need To Do. I'm sure this is not a new concept. It's a way to prioritize one's time. But I assure you that it will save my sanity in the next 2 weeks.

I love my sister!

Random thoughts

Recently a friend posted some random thoughts, and it seems fitting since I don't really have time to post an explanatory (is that the right word?) blog about our recent happenings. So here are some snippets of life right now. 

- Working out feels great! I have worked out 3 days in a row, and I love it. I am committed to working out 5 days a week now. This is just the beginning, but everyone starts somewhere right?

-Hermit week is next week with Finals week and Move Out weekend to follow. Life gets busy right about now. Late nights, early mornings, spare minutes spent on details. Deadlines, pressure, need for accuracy... good motivators.

-I LOVE our life group. Standing invitation: 6:30 potluck dinner and service to each other or the community every week. Good stuff. Need something to do Wednesday evenings? Come to the PUMP house.

-I adore my husband. He is amazingly dedicated, a great dad and my best friend.

-Baby-sitting/Preschool soon to come to an official end. Sad for me but necessary. I can't do everything I'm doing well so I'm slimming down. 

-Awaiting the arrival of baby Tucker with anxiousness. Is today the day? Where's my phone? It's probably hiding where Kristi's phone is hiding and I bet the culprit is a curly red headed sweet-girl.

-It feels like it's going to rain, a lot. Forecast is for sun. I hope I'm wrong.

That's it for now. Duty calls.

 

Dazed and Confused

At nearly 4pm we left home to go to Costco which necessitates money for purchasing things so we went to the bank. On the way from the bank my hands began to burn from all of the hand washing that's been goin' on since we are potty training Nolan. So I decide to make a pit stop at KMart and get some lotion. My usual stuff is nearly six bucks for the bottle which I can get for less than three at Walmart so I decide to try something different. Of course it took longer than anticipated to choose "something different" which I ended up paying one dollar less for than the regular stuff. Whatever, I think to myself, now at the check out with kids taking things off of the impulse buy shelves, and wanting to get going to Costco (cause it'll be so much fun). We get outside where Kevin nearly gets hit and I try the new lotion which only makes my hands go from burning to blazing yet off we go, all intact. 

Costco was great until we got inside the door. What is it about entering a store that turns your kids into little people you don't know? I had to restrain myself and merely separate them and threaten them with their lives. Shopping was quiet... until Kevin had to go potty. Of course we were in the back of the store at the time... and this is Costco. You don't just stick the kids in the cart and dart for the bathroom. There are no road rules in Costco. Luckily we made it. And things went well until dinner when I realized that I had a cart full of things to get home, children to farm out to a friend (THANK YOU AGAIN!), and someplace to be in 45 minutes when I needed 60. No problem, I think to myself and we head for the door. Then Kevin had to go potty again. So we went and I'm adjusting the next few tasks in my head to make it on time to all the aforementioned places. We are truckin' right along until Nolan cried out in what seemed like pain until I realized that he sat on a chair in the handicapped stall that someone has used for a toilet (NO JOKE). And this is when I ask my readers, What in the heck am I supposed to do with that one?

One can think through several scenarios and have ready answers for when different problems come up: What happens if....? is nearly always going through a parent's mind, right? Okay, I know I'm looney. That is usually going through mine but this one threw me for a loop. Think fast. Think fast. Nolan, stop screaming please. Think FAST!... buy new pants. Surely Costco has some sort of pants in their kids' section!!

Nope. Shorts. AAAAAAHHHHLLLLL shorts...save ONE. Good ol' Osh Kosh. If you know Nolan, you know that his child would rather die of heat in 90 degree weather in pants than wear shorts. (Don't ask me, he just doesn't like them.) I knew that if I bought shorts it would have been worse than listening to him scream about someone else's pee on his pants. So I bought the Osh Kosh size 6 flannel pants and we went back to the bathroom to change. Now I have 25 minutes to do all of the things I really needed 60 minutes to do in the first place. 

Whew... we've all caught our breath and headed back to the cart I left with a clerk who said it would be fine to leave there and said thank you very much. The clerk commented that they had someone go back and sanitize the chair and that the someone said it was juice or Gatorade or something. I held my tongue and I'm sure my face was ugly at that very moment. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck... just walk away... walk away.

We made it to the car. I'd adjusted things in my plans so that I could get all of us where we needed to be on time (or close to it) and off we went. Soon I hear Nolan start to do his panicked cry and I look back and he has ice in his hand that is dripping on his shirt which is what has him panicked. I reach back for the ice and he tries to hand me his cup which promptly dumps out onto his lap (poor Osh Kosh) at which point escalates this child into hysterics. I nearly crashed getting the car to a stop... and again I started trying to think fast. I have to confess that at this point I lost my temper. I did not have a napkin or paper towel or even a real towel to help with this drama, and I had had it. I yelled, Nolan cried and Kevin said, "I think... I'll put the lid back on my cup." I found a diaper in Nolan's bag and put that on the seat so he could ride in it the rest of the way to Kaelea's. Not too shabby I thought to myself and then began to cry because I lost it with Nolan. That was not my best moment as a mom. I was, and am, very sorry that I didn't have more control over the situation.

What have we learned from this?

Stick to "the usual".

Threaten children with their lives. It works.

Know your exits... or at least where the bathroom is.

Be prepared.

Count to ten. 

Count to thirty. Maybe that'll work better.

"No big deal" is a universal phrase for nearly any situation.

Diapers absorb moisture.

A hug and a kiss can make a bad three hours better.

"I'm sorry," makes it forgivable.

Tomorrow: NO shopping trips. I think it'll take us all a little while to recover from this one.

To the few readers who might have read this all the way through, thank you for letting me share this experience with you. I don't want to be a whiner, but this shopping trip was by no means the norm for us. Maybe that's what compelled me to write about it. 

And breath...

Yesterday my husband decided to clean out a closet. And that was the end of the day. About 12 hours later every room had been purged and cleaned in one form or another. I didn't get anything done that I wanted to do but I did get done the things I needed to do and that is much more important. Now I can focus on the things I want to do, which have become things I need to do, and I can do them with much less distraction.

Before that though, I take some time to just breath. This really is the calm before the second storm of the second semester. Life gets busy after today and will slow down some time in June. So I sit in my clean house, doing a little bit of what I want to do as I nurse a stomach and head ache. I think I have just plum worn myself out. Nothing to pick up. Nothing to scrub. No more loathing. 

Just breathing...

Books

Reading: "The Scarlet Thread" by Francine Rivers (I'm hooked on Rivers!)

My mom brought me this one but I already had it. :) Yay Mom!

Getting ready to read: "Never Say Diet" by Chantel Hobes.

From my mom. She always knows what will be good for me.

It is almost midnight and I'm sitting on my computer "unwinding" for a few minutes. After a busy day with a pretty sick kid I need a few minutes to myself before I can go to sleep. But as I sit here my mind reels with the thoughts of so many people I know who are going through a lot of transition in life, big and small... Only it seems to me that there are more big transitions than small and a lot of these people are leaders among their peers and so it seems that the support for some has been pulled out from under them... After all, who supports the legs of the table when they get tired? 

I don't know... I can't help but wonder what God has in store for all of these people when there are so many attacks from Satan that are so evident and seem to be happening all at the same time. I have never really known a situation that seemed so individually collective. I know that sounds contradictory but I can't list out everyone's situations because that would be bad form, I think. But I can tell you that out of 10 families I know in Portland alone, all of them are facing serious personal transition let alone the transition that most churches are going through and the transition in some of their jobs, which affects half of those families. I'm talking about serious illness, economic insecurity, emotional turmoil, loss of loved ones, spiritual starvation and overwhelming depression. 

At first I didn't know why I was writing about this, but it just occurred to me. Please be in prayer for people around you, for yourself, for your ministers and leaders. Please be on your knees for your family: your parents, your husband or wife, your kids, your friends. Please ask the Lord for guidance and security in your faith, your relationships, your health and your job. And think of those around you, that they too can benefit from the power of the Almighty God.

Psalm 3

A psalm of David, regarding the time David fled from his son Absalom.

 1 O Lord, I have so many enemies;

      so many are against me.

 2 So many are saying,

      “God will never rescue him!”

                         

 3 But you, O Lord, are a shield around me;

      you are my glory, the one who holds my head high.

 4 I cried out to the Lord,

      and he answered me from his holy mountain.

                       

 5 I lay down and slept,

      yet I woke up in safety,

      for the Lord was watching over me.

 6 I am not afraid of ten thousand enemies

      who surround me on every side.

 7 Arise, O Lord!

      Rescue me, my God!

   Slap all my enemies in the face!

      Shatter the teeth of the wicked!

 8 Victory comes from you, O Lord.

      May you bless your people.

Writing it on my heart...

"Now may our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, 

who loved us and by his grace 

gave us eternal comfort and a wonderful hope, 

comfort you and strengthen you 

in every good thing you do and say."

2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

There are a lot of my people around me who are going through some tough stuff in life. This is not abnormal... everyone deals with something... but it seems to me that when someone or a group of people are on the verge of GREATNESS, Satan strikes the hardest.

Please know that I as I pray for those I know are having a tough time, I think of you as I remember this verse. 

Mac is back!

Every once in a while something happens that you don't expect and you're not quite sure how to respond. The sequence of events seems logical and plans are made and pennies are saved and you expect that what you get is equally as logical. And those stricken with the worst luck on the planet add one variable... the BIG X. That's the one thing that you know is going to go wrong, so you plan on the one wrong thing. 

In September I dropped my Mac. This was predictable on my part. Not a surprise, I should say. And after six months of learning a lesson, planning, penny saving and careful consideration I took my Macbook to the Apple Store to be shipped and fixed. This was also predictable. Who buys a laptop, brakes it and says, "Oh well, better luck next time,"? So three days into the "7-10 day waiting period" I get a call that says, "We must replace the main logic board. It will cost $755.00. Please call us and authorize the repair." (Again, predictable.) "Sure," I say, and they commence repair. Then today I get a phone call, "Your Macbook is ready to be picked up." And as you can imagine, I was sort of delighted in the idea of tap, tap tapping on my little keyboard again and so we got dinner, gathered ourselves and our pennies (by this time converted to dollars) and headed to the Apple Store. Predictability is written all over this scenario, right? 

I walk into the store, wait the general 5 minutes for a store employee to ask what they can do for me and I hand them my little slip and ask for my computer. "Will that be cash or credit?" they ask and after my response the lady says, "Oh, well you come stand here please," and off she went. I talked RAM and operating system with a clerk like I knew what I was saying and after a few minutes the other clerk came out with my little Macbook. "This is the one," and "thank you so much," and we commenced the payment process. I took out my little envelope getting ready to pay and then it happened... the BIG X. You know you're in for a surprise when the clerk looks puzzled and asks for some help, while looking at a screen you can't see. "Why is this ringing out as zero?" was the whispered question. "Hmm... let me check," says the other guy and whisks away for a few minutes. After a few minutes he came back and said with a big smile on his face, "There is no mistake here. It looks like this repair will cost you nothing. You are free to walk out of here with all of your seven hundred fifty five dollars if you'd like." 

Yeah. I had to catch my breath. Then I had to gather my wits. Now I had the money for another "gig of RAM" and I picked a pretty pink cushioned case... Several of the clerks were as happy for me at this point as they were sad for me back in September when it was evident that it would be a costly repair. The store was a buzz of the good fortune of this young lady. And to top it off, the RAM rang up 100 dollars less than the sticker price. 

I don't know whether this nice surprise makes up for all of the other bad luck I have had in life, but it sure makes me think twice about having the worst luck... that it's not about luck at all. That is a topic for another blog. For now, I'm happy to have my computer back. The lesson learned is well deserved and remembered. 

Up And Running

Logan is amazing. He figured out how to get our computer back up and running. I don't know how he did it... I know nothing about computers except: where the power button is, more ram = more power, and "save often". Oh sure I can navigate excell with the best of 'em and where all the tricks are for editing in word, but I can't reboot anything except my children's feet and I know that reconfiguring is useful for lego construction. So Logan is my hero. I have email, Windows and internet. He worked long and hard on it and I am grateful.

Blue Screen of Death

For all of you out there who have experienced the blue screen of death I can say that I feel your pain. Logan sat down at the computer for a liesurly stroll on the world wide web to be met with the blasted blue screen. Several attempts to reformat this and reboot that have proven to be in vain and so I am sitting at his work computer sending any emails that may be pertinent to the next 24 hours and thinking to myself that, "...it's just a computer... it's just a computer".

There are pros and cons to the whole thing.

Good: I still have access to email that does not require a trip to the library or someone's home to check my email.
Bad: I cannot check email during nap time or do any work stuff as is usually the case during nap.
Good: I will not have the option of computerized distraction during the day.
Bad: I will not be able to play music from iTunes.
Good: My Mac should be in my hands by this time next week so I know that this is a temporary mality.
Bad: Now we have to decide if we need to buy a new computer... or not.
Good: I won't have to shop for the computer. Logan will take care of that... if we decide to get one.

See? There are more good things than bad things. I think we're doing pretty good.

The one thing that bites though is that we've lost all of our most recent pictures. Logan has the rest backed up, but there were some pretty cute ones on the computer that I can't get to now.

The lesson? I don't even know. Is there a lesson in this? I'm not worried about it. I just have to alter my time management so that I can fulfill my job duties. That's kind of inconvenient. The altering, not the job duties.

So, I'm signing off for now... I won't know if you comment until I can check my blog again... later. So thanks in advance if you comment... most of them will probably be encouraging and sympathetic, so thanks for that too.

And the waves begin to swell...

Is it really mid February?!

This is the time of the year when I go dark... The quiet before the storm is over. There are so many things to do I don't know if I'll get around to blogging again until April. So if you are the praying kind, please pray for our family to remain sane and healthy through the next month and a half. Between meetings and appointments (they are different, really), home schooling and babysitting/PreK, keeping the house up, PUMP stuff, water aerobics, housing (work) business and soccer I think I'll be able to sit down around March 23rd.

I'm not complaining, mind you, I chose the things that make me busy.

See you on the flip side!

Blue Like Jazz

I finished "Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller just moments ago. Now, I'm not much for book reviews... I haven't written one since highschool and don't have witty words to convey the over all message of the thing. But I can give a short opinion, for the sake of posting and sharing a little bit of my thoughts on the book.

Honestly, I wanted to see what all of the hype was about. I remember hearing about this book in 2005 but being a non-reader at the time I didn't care to pick it up. I thought it would be some sort of life changing oracle by the sound of the buzz floating around. But Donald Miller seems to me to be a normal guy who by some magic of language can put on paper the collective thoughts of people walking the journey of life in search for Jesus. He mentions God a bit but it seems to me that he is in search of a friend whose name was a mystery and his face was not known to him. - I cannot speak for the general public or even for my friends but it seems like Mr. Miller gives voice to the struggle to find Jesus and true spirituality, which is different than Christianity according to him.

He talks several times about the difference between Christianity and spirituality and that churches frustrate him because of their politics and false love. I found myself agreeing with his thoughts which is what makes me think that he gives this voice to those searching for the true Jesus who calls us to love one another no matter what.

I was also struck at the end of the book by his realization about loving himself. Love your neighbor as yourself was a profound thought to him in understanding that he wouldn't say the things to his neighbor that he says to himself. This thought got me to ponder how I treat myself. And of course I read this at a time when I feel especially vulnerable spiritually.

One other thing that I kept thinking about was the fact that his provocative statements about Christianity and spirituality are rather bold. I don't buy into some of the things he said, though I couldn't quote them now, but other things I found myself secretly agreeing with. I think that is because of the traditional manner of Christianity from my childhood that I didn't really buy into either but didn't have the guts to challenge and don't know if I do now. ~ At any rate, I find myself grateful that I have a minister for a friend who I can say confidently speaks boldly in truth whether I am listening to him on Sunday or in conversation over dinner between our families.

There's my two cents.

82 Things

I started compiling a list of a hundred things. I started a couple weeks ago and have put a few things on every now and then as I think of them, but I didn't get all 100 and I'm tired of thinking about myself. So I'm posting 82 things about me.

18. Potato soup is a comfort food for me.

19. I can hear the high frequency noises that come from electronic contraptions but I have a hard time hearing and understanding the voices of men.

20. Water Aerobics is my favorite form of exercise.

21. The latest I've ever slept in is 9:30 in the morning.

22. I have never seen the movies or read the books for the Harry Potter series. There is no particular reason for this.

23. Spring is my favorite season. I also love Fall because its my sister's favorite season.

24. I wonder things like... what made the "Danskin" people choose orange for their 2lb weight color and green for their 1lb weight color.

25. "Soccer Mom" will be added to the list of names that I go by this spring. This is one of the highlights of motherhood for me.

26. Office supplies make a great gift for me. What girl doesn't like a new notebook or Post-It?

27. If I ever work outside the home (and don't run a preschool) I want it to be an administrative assistant.

28. Caring for children is one of my favorite things to do.

29. Memorization does not come easy to me.

30. Sunflowers and stefanotis are my favorite flowers.

31. Diet Pepsi is my favorite beverage.

32. My favorite verses in the Bible are Hebrews 4:14-16.

33. The Wizard of Oz is my least favorite movie.

34. Feet are my least favorite part of the body. I do not even like my own.

35. I like to pretend that being trendy doesn't matter to me. But, I do not like to spend money or shop. So I am not trendy and it only bothers me on the occasion that I am in the company of someone particularly trendy.

36. I recently purchased the bag of my dreams. It is not made of shiny feaux leather, have leopard print or magnetic snaps.

37. I did not shop for the bag. A friend has one and I asked her where to find it. I made the purchase in less than 20 minutes.

38. I love it when my kids blow bubbles in their milk.

39. The toilet paper in my bathroom rolls over the top. It matters to me.

40. Logan and I got married on 9-9-2000 so it is easily remembered... by me.

41. I dip my pancakes in syrup with each bite. I keep my spaghetti separate from my sauce. And I like white rice plain.

42. I love to snuggle my kids and smell their heads.

43. Stand-up comedy is not funny to me.

44. I understand what covetting is by way of a lesson learned involving a Mac laptop.

45. My silky blanket goes with me when I stay overnight at someone else's house. It is a twin size blanket that I used when I slept in my grandparents' fifth-wheel. I love that blanket.

46. There is a church in Grand Junction, Colorado that I can remember very clearly. I went there before the age of six. It reminds me that the time I spend preparing for my preschool bible class matters.

47. Owning and running a preschool is a dream of mine.

48. I do not feel intelligent about politics because I don't have time to read everything there is to know about every candidate, and that seems necessary to me to be able to have an opinion about them.

49. Honesty matters to me.

50. I started this list from 100 so I would know how many I had left to think of. 50 to go.

51. Lipton tea is my java.

52. I dislike doing dishes VERY much.

53. I love the Pirates of the Carribean series.

54. I was not profoundly effected by any minister until we joined PUMP Church of Christ. (I do not say that to offend others, it is simply the truth.)

55. I loved the second trimester of both of my pregnancies.

56. I once climbed and sat in a cherry tree and ate cherries until my tummy was tight. I did not get sick and still do not get sick while eating cherries.

57. Spelling "neighborhood" correctly earned me bonus points in fourth grade. I remember my teacher's name: Mr. Russo

58. Most of my spelling ability is atributed to word-finds in fifth grade. We got a piece of licorice for every word find completed correctly. And I still think words in their s-p-e-l-l-i-n-g. (Mr. Burke was his name. He read a chapter out of a book each day after recess and he pushed his glasses up on his nose using only his face muscles.)

59. I color code things in my planner.

60. Tripping over things in my home is the one thing that frustrates me the most.

61. I do not like rose scented things.

62. In highschool my sister and I lived in very different worlds. But if anyone picked on one of us the other knew and defended the other. I hope for that for our boys.

63. I don't talk to anyone from highschool and will never go to a reunion.

64. I wonder how many people will really read all of these things about me. It makes me feel awkward to think so much about myself.

65. Stefanotis is a beautiful flower whose fragrance fills the room with my mother's presence; her gentleness and kindness and it makes me ache to be next to her.

66. Halloween is my least favorite holiday.

67. Sometimes I can still remember how my strawberry shampoo smelled when I was little.

68. Michael Jackson, Huey Lewis and the News, Carol King and Accapella (Travelin' Shoes) musically shaped me.

69. Motion sickness sometimes gets the best of me even when I'm driving.

70. I cheated on my final in Acts Class with Stan Granberg. Three years later I contacted him to tell him about the cheating and slept the best in years that night. He changed my grade to a D which could have been an F. I am still grateful to him for the grace.

71. I love cream and brown tones in a room.

72. The only toys I have from my childhood (that I can find) are two My Little Ponies.

73. My great- great granddad was a horse-back circuit preacher.

74. My highschool music teacher said that the difference between gospel music and blues is, "Oh Lord" and "Oh baby".

75. He also taught me how to hit the high notes by teaching me to shoot free throws, that purple is not just a color, and that a good jazz band doesn't find the beat with the drummer.

76. I let my kids jump on my bed.

77. Anxiety sweeps over me at the grocery store if I get there and realize I've forgotten a comprehensive list.

78. My favorite name of Jesus is "Advocate".

79. Chocolate gives me migranes.

80. I still struggle with regret over my wedding photographer. He did not allow my grandpa to take pictures of me. ~ I should have fired him on the spot. ~ It still makes me angry to tears and sad that I didn't stick up for him. Sometimes I fanticize about what I should have said to the photographer, and then I get embarassed and ask God to forgive my foul mouth.

81. When Logan and I got married it was the last time I saw my grandmother. I still remember her kiss and hug.

82. Conflict does not scare me. The possability of damaging a relationship scares me.

83. My first pet was a Samoide named Bear. Well, he was my dad's dog, but he shared. Bear loved oranges and snow and playing with my dad. He used to turn into a white fluff ball when my dad brushed him. We had to put him down when I was 18. ~ I still miss him.

84. I learned to sing in church where my mother gave us a half piece of gum before church started so we wouldn't bug her for it during communion. I still sing with gum in my mouth.

85. I was once ranked tied for 3rd in the solo competition at the Lionel Hampton Jazz Festival in highschool. It is my first memory of having a placement in a competition of any kind. I sang with gum in my mouth.

86. I wish to have played volleyball in highschool and college.

87. The dentist chair is my second least favorite place to be.

88. Any place where "shopping" is required is my least favorite place to be.

89. The idea of getting on a plane makes my stomach hurt and my heart beat fast.

90. I will be 30 in June but I feel like I've been 18 for a really long time.

91. I do not wear anklets.

92. Orange juice is my favorite juice.

93. My son and I love the same Pooh character.

94. I love to read. I have read more in the last 30 days than in the last ten years.

95. People say I look like my mom and act like my aunt. I think it's because I believe my mother to be the most beautiful woman alive and my aunt's manner was impressed upon my heart at a very young age. I think my mother to be strong and my aunt to be gentle. Both are traits I do not think I know yet.

96. I know that there are eight steps to the second floor, nine to the ground floor and seven to the first floor of our building... 41 steps to the dumpster... 38 to our car from the front door... 22 to the Johnson Center and seventeen steps up to the cafeteria.

97. Kaytlyn, Abigail and Fiona are daughters of my heart.

98. I do not like Diet Squirt and orange Chicklets at the same time.

99. I love to garden and have a potting bench that Logan built for me. But I do not have a yard. So I have house plants and plans for a beautiful garden when we buy a home with a yard.

100. My greatest wish is to sing for Disney.

Before Portland

I thought I would share some photos of the boys when they were much younger. I came across a slough of pictures and they invoked a lot of memories that I had forgotten. I hope to keep the captions brief. The pictures are not in date order. I'm new at the post-pictures-on-your-blog thing.

Nolan at 5 months at Sauk River Women's Retreat. He's cooing at his Nana.

This is Nolan with my Grandpa who recently passed away. It's nice to have a picture of them together.

This is Nolan at 6 weeks. He had RSV and was hospitalized for 5 days. The wires and tubes included oxygen, IV, heart monitor, pulse/oxygen level, and respiration monitor. Many people came to lend their support but no one was allowed in the room unless they were robed and masked. Nana, Grandma and the family were so helpful. Grandma even sat in the room with me (masked) for about five hours one day. The support and love was amazing. ~ It wasn't until Nolan was almost two when I realized that the experience was his "storm" and not mine. The LORD was caring for him then... not me.

Kevin - Cheesmo!

Gramma and Nolan at about 7 months.

Kevin - "Short help is better than no help."

Kevin: Tub time was the best time.

Kevin at 1 1/2

Nolan's First Christmas. He slept through most of it.

Snow Day at Nana's house... building Snow Nana's and Snow Papa's.

Welp, that's it for now. Hopefully I can share more later... probably on their page. Maybe I'll post one of Kevin's latest head wound. He's such a boy!