On Nolan

My sweet little guy turned three last Friday. For him it was a day of feeling sick and being held a lot. For me it was a day of memories as I held this ill little boy who didn't feel much like celebrating. I thought all the way back to the pregnancy, through his first year, his first steps, his first words and about his little personality. He is a quiet boy who enjoys playing with his cars, by himself, in his space, in his room. It would be easy to compare Nolan to Kevin and be disappointed I guess... maybe because Kevin is so loud and funny and I end up writing a lot about him. Nolan's not quite that way though he has his moments. But he is certainly not a forgotten child.

I think what was profound to think about as he turned three years old in my arms is that he is selective and intentional. That is not to say that I think he is a snobby kid. I think he reserves his affection for those he knows he can trust. And he doesn't just build a tower to King Kong it and build it again. He builds it for someone and enjoys looking at it for a while. He is thoughtful when he is investigating a flower. He is careful to pull the petals off in a particular order that only makes sense to him.

He is selective. He took a few steps at about 12 months and decided he'd rather not. So he didn't walk steadily until he was 18 months. When faced with the option of juice or thirst he prefers the latter. His sleeves must be down. He sleeps on his left side. He doesn't say hello to just anyone. He doesn't talk much to anyone besides "his people" and he snuggles with very few. Elice is blessed in that she was able to hold him while he slept on her several times in our first year at Cascade... a pleasure afforded to me only four times since he was 8 weeks old. ~ But his love is in his smile, in his hugs, his questions and his art. He once spent two hours coloring on a box with markers... every time he made a circle it was the representation of someone he knows and loves. ~ He is thoughtful.

So for those who see him as a quiet clingy child, you can know that he is loud and funny in his own way. And though I don't write as much on him yet I know there will be a time when I can't stop talking about him. ~ It's just so hard to put into words the look on his face when he discovers a ladybug on his flower or the smile when he accomplishes the task of tower building or the excitement in his eyes when he realizes he's drawn a person with a face for the first time. He is not vocal about it... he is intensly silent.

But he is incredible... in a way that is incomparable to his brother. And so I am not disappointed when I think of Nolan and Kevin. They are so pleasantly different. I hope they always take care of eachother, always look up to eachother but never act like eachother. What a shame that would be.

In the next year I look forward to watching him discover the joy of writing and coloring, learning to ride a bike and potty training... all things I know he will do well, in his own time.

My Nolan. His spirit is still as sweet as the day he was born.